Good morning my dearest readers and how I've missed your company. I will outright admit that my absence is my fault, and mine alone. This summer was a little more than I expected in regards to the amount of work I needed to undertake while I was just scrapping by with my workload this past semester. However, I am now free (which was a feeling I seriously thought I wasn't going get ever again) and I am taking this opportunity to try to pick up my habit of writing in the blog once more. I've had some committed fans that have been checking the blog every single day since I've started, so I truly hope that it will be a comforting surprise to them this morning to know of my new resolve.
Contrary to the title of this entry, this year is the first year of my university degree where I haven't questioned what I've wanted to do. I surprisingly have great confidence that I will make it somehow in the cut-throat (more like paper cut) industry of publishing. It's one of those rare occasions where what you look like doesn't matter as long as you can write what others cannot. And being bilingual (which is such a big bonus, yet a curse in itself every once in a while), I sometimes can express myself well in both languages, while other times both languages come together to make a big puddle of incomprehension.
Now what the title of the entry really refers to was the slightest change in my world of concrete truths. I am a person who does not do well with change (though I'm sure I am not the only one) and when the simplest of things change, the bigger things in my life get questioned. What's really funny for me is that this change took place with one of my preferences rather than with a foundational part of my personality. Yes, I still want to be an author, no, I'm not experimenting with my sexuality, yes, I still want to travel and no, I'm not running away to join the circus. The change that took place is this: my favourite colour changed from blue to dark green. YES, THAT IS THE CHANGE THAT HAS CAUSED ME TO QUESTION THE BIGGER PICTURE. You're probably laughing thinking, this isn't something to be worked up about, but it was (and still is) a big thing for me. Growing, I never changed my mind on the one thing that kids change theirs every single day.
I loved BLUE when I liked turtles instead of dogs in the 5th grade. I liked BLUE when I liked Alex instead of Zach in grade 8. I liked BLUE when I went to the high school at the top of the hill while all of my friends went to the one at the bottom of the hill. And I liked BLUE when I left home for Ottawa to go to university. And now as I'm starting my last year of university and getting ready to enter the work world (one of the biggest changes that will take place in my life), I'm too busy trying to understand why I love DARK GREEN instead of my comforting and constant BLUE.
I guess it's a mystery I will gladly accept as I try to focus on more pressing matters (though it does seem like a crucial existential question that needs to be answered). And I guess that if I was going to experience a life crisis (though not everyone will agree that this is something that can be classified as a crisis), it could be a LOT worse than a shift in favourite colours. At least my parents can sleep a little better at night knowing that this is (hopefully) the worse that will come out of this. As Mary Shelley said "nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change," so maybe, just maybe my dearest readers, I'll make it out of this crisis with a sound mind and a new outlook on life!
K.P.H.
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